Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Screwed.edu
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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