I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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