How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
