The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
