You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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