You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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