I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
