If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
