...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
