i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
