The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i love accidental penises.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
