Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
