Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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