mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
