i think my mom watched the whole time
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
