omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
