he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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