What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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