The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
