I should be sponsored by Trojan
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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