You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
