I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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