the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
