last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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