Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
