So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
