please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
