MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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