Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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