I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
