I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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