I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
