My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
