I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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