How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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