you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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