Pappa wants mamma naked
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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