well you can't waste a boner
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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