quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
