She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
