nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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