I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
