6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
