Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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