I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
