another moral hangover. fuck.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
