based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
