lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
