I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
