gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
