I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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