he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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